
this is how my birthday weekend started: my dad, his girlfriend, and I were hanging out in my apartment the night prior to my birthday, when suddenly Tapper and her roommate Megan barged in the front door carrying a…baby duck.
why, no. My dad had never met Tapper before. The look on his face was priceless.
this is what happened: some members of the lacrosse team decided to order eight baby ducklings for $1 each online. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. I’m willing to bet they were either drunk or stoned, though. I mean, who would do that sober?
of course, the lacrosse team had no knowledge of how to take care of ducks. I mean, of course they didn’t. They fed them Cheerios, for God’s sake.
so, the ducks started dying. I mean, I know nothing about duck nutrition, but I would assume Cheerios are a no-go.

someone texted Tapper about a free duck. Tapper loves all kinds of strange animals (especially ferrets, beta fish, and Mikos. Oh, and elephants), so naturally, she jumped at the chance.
and that’s how we got Dwight.
unfortunately, she soon learned, taking care of a duck is hard work for a college student, especially when the poor duck won’t stop quacking all night long.


so she decided to call the zoo. The zoo said they wouldn’t take her duck, but that they knew of someone who would. So Tapper called this woman and ta-da! Dwight had a new home.
unfortunately, the woman was also appalled at the treatment that the ducks had received while with the lacrosse team, so she decided she would press charges against them for animal cruelty.
so.
oops.
I’ll keep you guys updated (also known as, “to be continued”).